The Very Secret Diary of Ico
by Foxy Chicken
Summary: The very secret diary of Ico, and how he ended up getting free from the castle. Warning this puppy contains spoilers, so if you haven't played the game and you want to don't read this.
1. Day One to Day Nine

**I don't own any of this, and if I did... well that would be super cool. This contains many spoilers to the game, so if you want to play it, and still have some element of suprise don't read this. Also this isn't a stratagy guide, but if you end up being able to use the stuff I talk about to help you out in the game, and then end up beating it I want to know because that would be super cool. Anyway, her ya go. Enjoy yourselves.**

Day One

Big scary mask dudes came to take me away to the land where all the horned kids go. They tell me that there is a waterslide, and a fun maze, so I am pretty much excited. I asked if there was a snack bar, and they told me to keep dreaming. I don't get it. I mean they have a waterslide, but no place to get your strength back up after you have been spent with sliding. It doesn't make any sense!

Day Two

Big scary mask dudes made fun of my today because they saw me writing in you. I told them it was none of their business, but they laughed even more, and then made me walk behind the horses. That wasn't very fun, and I smell like horse crap now.

I hate my life.

Day Three

Got to the place where the horned kids live, and it isn't anything like the brochure. It is a giant castle surrounded by water, and with no water slide in sight.

They took me over to the castle in a boat, and then they took me along some passageways until we reached a lift. When the door opened at the top we were in what reminded me of a bee hive. Only instead of honey comb it was stone, box, things. I wasn't to happy when they decided to put me in one of them and then leave. I defiantly didn't sign up for this.

I wonder what starving to death feels like.

Day Four

Had a really creepy dream last night. It involved me, some rain, a staircase, and a black blob in a cage. I was so freaked out when I woke up that I shifted, and was sent flying from the thing that was supposed to keep me locked up.

It was really exciting being out, but my butt hurts from the fall. Of course now that I am out I have to find a way to get out of here. I think I will rest my butt, and start early tomorrow morning.

Day Five

Started trying to find my way out of here, and ended up accidentally finding the room from my dream. So I climbed up to the top, and pulled the lever, and watched as the cage was lowered. The only reason I pulled the lever to let the cage down was because there wasn't a shadow monster in it. There was a beautiful girl.

Anyway, the cage didn't go down all the way, so I climbed around, and then jumped onto the top of the cage. Of course it fell, and the chick was released, but I hurt my bum again. When I was finally able to stand again I went to see if she was ok, but she doesn't speak the same language as me. Oh well, she's hot and helpless, and I want to help her get out of here with me. Besides, it turns out she is fairly useful, and not only for her looks. The chick can open doors like nobodies business, and doors that I am completely useless against. The only real problem about having her around is that monsters want to get her, and I have to protect her like nobody's business. It's a good thing those idol doors she opens can kill all the baddies in sight, because killing them with a big stick is no fun, and very hard.

Day Six

HOLY CRAP! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SHE SHOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN! Here let me elaborate for you. The hot chick and I were just walking along, minding our own business, I was holding her hand because A) I like too, and B) If I don't then she is prone to walking off, and getting captured by freaky ghost dudes. Anyway, we were walking along, minding our businesses when the bridge we were walking on decided to collapse under our feet! And guess what happened next! She fell! SHE FELL! I had her hand, but when a chick taller than you falls you are going to fall too. I was able to catch myself before we both went falling towards the ground, but it was a close call. My heart is still racing from it all.

Besides our lovely almost fall to our deaths, I was able to get us to higher ground for a nice little rest on a black couch. I see these things all over the place, and I have found they are very good for sleeping on. Of course hot girl wants to sleep on them too so I have to sleep sitting up. Last night I tried to sleep with my head on her lap but she didn't like that to much. I think it was the horns, or maybe she just doesn't like me like that… It was the horns.

Day Seven

Took hot girl on a trolley ride today. She seemed happy about it until we were almost killed by some creepy monster dudes. I killed them with my trusty stick, so it was all good.

Also helped her get down to a lower lever with a cool lift/crane/thing. It was semi complicated, but nothing I couldn't handle. I should pat myself on the back. Anyway, that was really tiring, so I am going to take a little nappy on one of those damn black couches.

Day Eight

Found really big room. I am trying to decide what I am going to do in here. I mean there isn't a lot. Just a big long bridge that goes to the other side with a hole in it, and some windows. Oh yeah, and a door that I can't get out of because of a gate. I think the hot chick was laughing at my mental blockage, and wondering if I would ever figure it out. I finally decided to climb up the windows (super scary by the way) and then jump onto the chandalier (way more scary than anything I have ever done). I don't know what possessed me to jump on the damn thing because it fell, and I fell with it. I hate falling. I don't know if I can ever really explain how much I hate falling. Anyway, hot girl laughed at me while I rubbed my bum, I hate her sometimes, and then I ran around while holding her hand, just to make her pay. She wasn't to happy about that, and then I felt bad.

After all of this I finally decided what I needed to do. So I took hot chick down with me to the lower level, and we blew up the support beam on the pathway, and made ourselves a nice little walkway out to freedom. Then as we were heading down to our freedom some of those damn monster dudes came and attacked me and my hot lady friend. She ended up doing all the killing when she opened the door on them. She is good for something.

Day Nine

This is the second most depressing day in my life. It is right after the day that my mom told me that I had horns, I was ten, and it was a huge shock. I thought I had two sets of ears. Shut up! Where I come from we don't have mirrors.

Anyway, we were doing fine, killing more dudes with the cool idol door, and then we saw it. The front gate. It was open, and just waiting for us to run right through it to freedom! Then it happened. The worst thing that could ever happen when you are trapped in a castle being chased by monsters. The door started closing. So I ran for it like I had never run for it ever in my life. I was dragging the hot girl behind me, and we were going to make it, we were going to have to make it because we are the protagonists, and we always have a happy ending, and then it happened. She fell. Hot girl fell, and the doors closed. I was devastated. I was still stuck here for even longer. I wanted to kick her I was so mad, but when I looked at her I noticed that she was just as upset as I was, and she is so pretty that I just couldn't be mad at her for long.

The out of the blue this creepy ghost like chick showed up, and told me to leave the hot chick (her real name is Yorda) there, and go home. She told me that I wasn't welcome, and some other stuff. I wasn't really listening because she was weird and I didn't feel like it. Then she was gone, and I was left to wallow in my grief of not being able to get out. Hot chick, I mean, Yorda, sat with me on the black couch thing, and held my hand to try and make me feel better. Once she thought I was feeling better she pushed me at all these lamp things, and more or less asked me to light them for her. I guess she is afraid of sleeping outside in the dark, so I lit them, and we are now getting ready for another sitting sleep. This whole sleeping while you are sitting thing cannot be good for my back.


	2. Day Ten to Day Sixteen

Day Ten

Blew up a door today. It was kind of fun, but not really. I guess it would have been a lot more fun if I wasn't do depressed about still being stuck here with hot… I mean Yorda.

Had to get through a door with some blockage problems, so I used Yorda like a block as I looked for another one to use. Found it after some serious climbing, and things of that nature. Then Yorda and I found ourselves near this windmill thing. I decided I wanted to play Don Quixote, so I jumped at the windmill, and I actually ended up finding out what I had to do. Whoever said that playing doesn't get you anywhere surely hasn't been stuck in a castle with a hot chick.

Anyway, got Yorda over to the correct side of the bridge by nightfall, and we took another little sleep on the black couch. My friends would be so jealous if they knew I was sleeping with a hot girl… Ok, I don't have any friends, and oh, never mind. I am even more depressed now.

Day Eleven

Went through the idol doors that we slept next to last night, and found ourselves in some strange little courtyard place. I climbed up a chain, but had to jump down before some shadow dudes took my hot chick away. They were really easy to beat, so it was no big deal.

Climbing back up the rope, and then down into a drain, I had to use myself as a rock before I made Yorda stand on the little lifter thing. Of course I then had to go back and save her because I believe in "no man or hot chick left behind."

We found our way to this sandstone place, and I had to use a block to get this lever because Yorda is to full of herself to use her height to help me with anything. Stupid… Never mind. It was night again by this time because it takes me so long to do everything by myself. I sometimes wonder why I still have her around, and then I look at her and remember how hot she is.

Day Twelve

Climbed up some ledges in the early morning air, and then shimmied down a chain to jump through a window to kill some shadow dudes. Pushed a block through a window, and then pushed it around on the grass watching as the grass was flopped over, and then bounced back to life. It was really fun until I realized that I have to get back to Yorda before the ghost dudes come and take her away. I then ran around on some walkways before climbing another chain and then calling her over to a moving platform and then setting the switch to send her over. Some bad dudes came, but my stick killed them, and so did the idol door.

There was then some running, some killing, some water turning off, some drawbridge cutting down, and some getting of a sword. There was a lot more to it than that, but that is all long and involved, and after a tough day like that I don't really fell like doing anything besides sleeping on another one of those damn stone couches. I don't know why there are so many of them, or why they are even here, but I am pretty glad that they are because they are really good for sleeping on.

Day Thirteen

Had a very long and involved day today, so it is a good thing that hot chi… I mean Yorda and I got an early start. We did some running right off the bat followed by some killing, and some climbing. I was then very proud of myself after I made a bridge that Yorda and I could cross. I was then able to do something I love. I have decided that this is now what I love to do. Do you want to know? Well, I will tell you anyway. It is jumping through windows. I don't know why I like to do this, but I seem to be doing a lot of this lately, and it is really rather cool.

Anyway, I had to help Yorda up to the window ledge, but what is new. We then entered this weird wood place where I had to leave her, and go on this long and involved trip that had something to do with ladders, gardens, a lift, and then getting my Yorda back. It was so cute, when I opened the door for her to enter she ran across the bridge towards me. I love watching her run. I think I love watching her run almost as much as I love jumping through windows… But none of this really matters because we hadn't found a couch to sleep on yet, and night was quickly approaching.

Up two ladders, through a door, then there was some shimmy to the left, some shimmy to the right, more shimming to the left, down a ladder, and jumping across a river to reach the other side, and… THE WATERSLIDE! I FOUND IT! Those creepy mask dudes weren't lying, there really is a waterslide here in this castle. Some might call it a waterfall, but I call it a waterslide. Of course falling down this waterslide sent me on a rather long and involved trip to get back to my lovely Yorda, and I was afraid the whole time that those evil monsters would come and get her, but she was actually waiting for me at the entrance to the building when I got back. She really does care!

Ahem… I showed her how a real man stops a waterslide (I cried a little on the inside when I did this), and then how a real man leads a hot babe to the next idol door. I think she was rather impressed.

After fighting some baddies, we were finally able to reach the next couch and settle in for another night of back pain, and loneliness.

Day Fourteen

I learned something very cool, and very strange today. Pushed a big thing today so I could pull a lever. Monsters came and attacked Yorda, and I lost her. They took her away, and a wave of black came towards me. The next thing I know I am waking back up on the stone couch, and Yorda is there next to me. I look over and that damn push thing is back to where it was before. So I run up there, look at it, and then I carve my name into the side of it. I then pull the lever, and let them take Yorda away again. Again I wake up on the couch with Yorda, so I run to the pusher thing, and my name is in it. It wasn't a dream. I actually carved my name, and then let Yorda get taken away. The thing is that I just got to try again. I got another change! Those couch things are a lot cooler than I thought they were!

So I finally did it correctly, and I didn't let Yorda get taken away. We then walked and walked, and walked some more, and then went up in an elevator until we found another stone seat. Time to sleep.

Day Fifteen

This SUCKS! I have never had so much trouble in my life! I keep falling to my death, and having to start over from the stone seat.

Here's the deal, I have to jump around and climb around, throw my body against some wood, then I have to blow up this building. I have the most trouble blowing up some building. I have to throw this bomb, and the bomb is heavy and hard to throw, and aiming it is super hard. I have blown myself up many a times. I have gotten past that, and not died on the chain, but then my dear Yorda was taken away, and I didn't have enough time to run and grab her.

It took me a super long time to finally get through the damn stage, and once we got past there wasn't a nice seat to sleep on. Man did that wipe me out. We then had to run around, and run around, and finally end up in another one of those weird places like where I got my cool sword. I had to kill more dudes, before I was able to get to another one of those cool chairs. I am so whipped out.

Day Sixteen

That was possibly the longest day of my life! I started out doing the regular stuff. You know climbing around all over the place looking for some way to get what I want. I pushed a big shiny thing so that it could light up the other door, which it did after a lot of bitching and moaning on my part. I think Yorda was getting rather pissed at me for my lack of moral standing. Of course I don't really think she could understand me, so she might not have known the extent of bad language used today.

Anyway, I got that damn thing lit up, and we then had to go all running around on bridges, and up ladders, and then across more bridges, and by the time all of this was over we had made it back to the main gate, and all I could think about was sleep. You have no idea how tiring it is to run around looking for ropes to cut, things to blow up, levers to pull, and all this crap like that. I didn't care if we were on our way to freedom because it was late, and I was tired. So there! We will leave tomorrow after I have had my nice long nap.

--Next Chapter Coming Soon!--


	3. Day Seventeen to Day Twenty Four

Day Seventeen

I am ready to give up now. I don't think I can go on anymore. It is just to much for me to bear. She is gone. I lost her. It is my fault!

Here, let me explain this to you. This morning Yorda and I got up early so we could have most of the day for traveling away from the castle. So she opened up the huge doors, and we headed out, slowly of course because she was so weak from opening them. We get about halfway across this bridge when it starts separating again. I am thrown over the side closest to freedom, and my dear Yorda is left on the other side. I run and I jump to try to get to her, but I can't make it all the way. She grabs my hand in her hurt state, and tries to pull me back up, but the shadows are coming, and they won't take me with her. She was taken, and I was left to fall to my impending doom. I landed on this cage thing, not really sure how I survived that one because that was a really long fall, and I am only human. Anyway, that is where I am right now, and I don't want to go on anymore. I think I will just stay here, and die just like Yorda.

Day Nineteen

I gave up on the whole killing myself thing. It was getting to cold out there on the cage, and I was getting really hungry. I also don't know for sure that Yorda is dead, so I am going to go to try and find her.

Jumped around on these cages until I finally made it to land. I then made my way through a cave into this caver area with all these waterfalls. Pulled on a lever, and then worked my way over to the other side, so I could open up the gate. Had to push a block into the water, and let me tell you something. That is a really bad design flaw right there. The block is pushed into the water, and then I am supposed to jump onto the block and use it to get onto this other ladder. First of all pulling the block to the correct location under the ladder is a chore that I would rather not do, and second of all, getting from the box to the ladder is a pain in the ass! It takes a gazillion tries before you can actually get that thing right, and then after you get up there to open the gate you have to go back into the water and drag the box along with you some more. The second time you just have to get to a little chain thing, so it isn't nearly as hard, but that isn't the point. The point is that jumping on this box is morally wrong, and I can't believe I was forced to do this.

Of course it goes from crap to shit shortly after that. You see once you have done this you have to jump onto another damned mill like thing, to get to a platform where you run across some tiny ass pipe so you can risk your life jumping from chain to chain, just so you can then jump onto another mill like thing, so you can then risk your life on some revolving platforms. The first two aren't bad, it is the third one that will send you to the ground, and make you do the whole damned process over again. This one spins like a hamster wheel, so you have to keep running or jumping up so you aren't taken down to the ground. As soon as I got off of that one I sat my ass down and decided that I wasn't going to look for a black couch. I was just going to lay down and go to sleep right there.

This whole thing is getting rather tedious.

Day Twenty

I was just thinking to myself, after I really assessed what I went through to get over to this little piece of not moving land, that I have to wonder if this is just some weird thing the queen has done to make sure that no one gets out of here with her Yorda, or if people actually went through all of this daily. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass this would all be? I mean for the workers who would be down here in this very strange.. Um... Place with gears, and water, and stuff. If they really had to jump around from chain to chain, or do shit like pulling rocks in water, I would just quit. There is really no practical use for any of the stuff I have come into contact with yet. It like like on giant maze, and less like a castle... They didn't lie. Those stupid mask dudes didn't lie to me. They told me there was a big maze, and that is really what this is. It isn't a castle, it is just a maze with a castle façade.

Later

After my morning revelation I decided that the best plan of action would be to continue on my way, and find our beautiful Miss Yorda. So I walked to the end of the cave, and I maneuvered around the cliffs until I could cross at two big pipes. I followed the pipes into another cave, and then I ended up in a big room with a stone tube thing in the middle. I made my way down to the main level where I came face to face with some idol doors. You have no idea how depressed that made me feel. I missed Yorda so much then. So I turned around and went out of the room, and wandered around this little harbor. I walked up this path and I saw this glowing from a little shrine, so I headed over. What I saw there was a light sword, so of course I took it, and ran back to the idol doors. They opened up just like I thought they would, and I headed inside. This all seems to familiar to be comfortable though.

Day Twenty-One

Yesterday after I finished that super long elevator ride I found myself in the room where I was first brought all those long days ago. It was so quiet until I reached the end of the hall, and I saw some of those damn ghost things in a circle. I ran as quickly as I could to where they were, and they were around my Yorda! I tried to attack them, but they kept running away. And that is when I noticed it. They were just like me. Well, they had horns just like me. I felt kind of bad killing them because it wasn't their choice that put them there, but they were helpers of the evil chick, so they had to die. It took a while, and it wore me out, but I finally killed them all. When I did all the little boxes lit up, and then some stairs to some idol doors lifted out of the ground.

I am pretty worn out, so I am going to sleep with the hot chi… Yorda, for old times sake… Wait… Not like that you sick freak!

Day Twenty-Four (I guess)

Not really sure what day it is, but twenty-four sounds good. I am no longer in the castle, so I will give you the lowdown on what happened after I slept with Yorda.

Woke up the next day, and went up the stairs not sure of what I was going to find there. Turns out that it was the throne room, but no one was home, so I started to leave when the queen came out of nowhere! The chick starts talking to me, and telling me things, but again I'm not listening to her. I don't know what it is but every time she opens her mouth I just feel like taking a nap.

Anyway, she finished her little monologue, and then had the nerve to throw me, and break one of my horns off! Ok, I might have been asking for it seeing as I attacked her first, but that isn't the point. The point is that having my poor little horn broken off really hurt me! I even bled a little bit. Not to mention how retarded I look with only one horn. All the kids are going to laugh at me now. Not that they didn't laugh at me before, but that isn't the point. So I grab my sword, the cow knocked it out of my hands when she threw me, and start running at her again, because I am a sucker for punishment, and this time when I hit her I don't go soaring across the room, but my sword does. Doesn't matter, I just used the idol blockers to protect me from her shadow "attack". I must say that it is the lamest attack I have ever seen. Am I supposed to be afraid of some shadow?

None of that really matters because I go at her again with my sword, and after four goes her little shield is broken, so I go in for the kill. And guess what! I killed her ass like no one has ever killed her ass before… Of course it wouldn't be good measure to leave me with only one horn, so there is another blast, and apparently it was enough to knock my other horn off because when I woke up I only had nubs.

Speaking of nubs, I mean, speaking of waking up, I woke up in a boat on a beach all by myself. I haven't gone out to look around yet because I figured I should write all this down before I forget, and I wanted to make sure my journal wasn't waterlogged. It wasn't if you were wondering… Of course you can see that it isn't…

I'm going to go exploring now.

Later

Guess who I found! YORDA! She isn't dead! I'm not going to lie, I cried a little when I saw her, but they were manly tears of happiness at her beauty not being killed. I asked her what we were going to do now, and she only looked at me like a deer in the headlights, and said something in that language I don't understand. I guess we are stuck together for good now. Not that I am complaining or anything.

Well, this is the end of my tale. I wish there was more to tell, but there isn't. Or maybe it is just that I have gotten lazy. Who knows, maybe no one. Maybe it isn't over, and I just don't know it yet. Only time will tell.

I'm hungry. I think I am going to go and eat some of those watermelons I saw over on the other part of the beach.

--Next: The Very Secret Diary of Yorda!--


End file.
